In Memory of a Friend

Ok, I promised that I won't be posting as much as I used to... But today's an exception, so to speak. I just found out that a good friend of mine had just died this morning. Funny, it's just the first month of the year and someone who I knew already left for the other side.

I first met the guy roughly four to five years ago at an arcade called Timezone in a mall called Glorietta 4. At first glance, he looked like wasn't of any interest to anyone. In fact, people can easily mistake him for that location's resident looney. Why was that? He was already a person with disability at the time our paths crossed. His face was a bit disfigured, his thinking and some of his motor functions were affected or tilted somewhat... all because of a vehicular accident that happened to him years prior. To many people with a very judgmental eye he was a person to avoid being affiliated to so that you won't be called weird. And yet, when I first stepped into that arcade, he was one of the very first to welcome me there. Truth be told, he was surrounded by a lot of wonderful friends.

In case you, dear reader, have been wondering what was I doing in an arcade back then, I was an active gamer before - a virtual racer if you may. From the time I met this friend of mine, he taught me the basics of a racing game that would introduce me to a lot of wonderful people, both here and abroad - and also unlikely teach me some lessons that I found very much applicable to life.

This person, while he is what a lot of people would call "laman ng arcade" (arcade resident), a closer look as to who he is would reveal someone much more than that. It is in this regard that that man taught me the virtues of acceptance, making the most of a situation, and to most importantly, to live life.

He showed acceptance, not just because he welcomed a stranger like me into his territory but more importantly because he knew that due to his current situation, he couldn't hope to live a life based on the standards of everyone else.

He made the most of his situation by simply being happy in his own fun and quirky way.

He lived life in spite of it all. Eventhough he was physically disabled, he showed everyone, that even through an arcade game, he can stand toe to toe, race head on with the best of them and was widely regarded and respected by everyone during his time to be one of the best.

He was also the man responsible for giving me the nickname that the local arcade racing community would come to know me by even though I'm currently retired from it. He called me "Master" as a joke to me supposedly having a lot of dates at the time of first acquaintance.  What started off as a joke however, would soon turn into what seems like, for a lack of better term, a term of endearment to me by the community.

Now dear reader, you might be wondering why am I writing like this. Let's just say that the last time I saw this friend of mine was roughly a year and a half ago. He would occasionally contact me through text messaging. Sometimes I would reply, sometimes I couldn't simply because I "was too busy". And being the good friend that he is, he told me that he understands.

As of December 2012, his condition worsened.Common friends told me that he became a vegetable of sorts: he couldn't speak properly anymore. He couldn't even move his legs. He had to be moved around in a wheelchair. I also failed to greet him during Christmas and New Year even though I had his number. Granted that the guy couldn't respond but still... It's not hard to imagine that he could still somehow understand messages that are being read to him. I admit to my failing that I got so used to having that friend's presence around for so long that the status quo would remain. I was so busy chasing my own dreams, cooped up in my own little world of problems while experiencing new things and meeting new people that I took for-granted some of the ones who I met before thinking that they would still be there the next day and the day after. He happened to be one of them. I was too busy to say "hi" or "hello". And for someone in his situation, one can't get enough of a simple "how are you" from either family and friends.

Buddy, wherever you are right now, I'm sure you're already happy racing with the angels along with some of the other members of our gaming community that went ahead.

Cheers brother.

2013: Apprehensive yet Hopeful

Hello there blog. Happy new year. Sorry for the late greeting.

What's with the mellow mood you ask? Yeah, I know... I should be excited that the new year's just kicked in...

But as the title implies, I'm rather apprehensive now or should we say cautious, compared to the previous new years. You see blog, for the last couple of years, I've been bullish with my projections in the past, stating that new year will be bringing in a lot of changes.

True, I've changed a bit. I'd like to think that I've changed, grew or matured for the better but personality and mindset issues aside, if you're going to look at who I am right now, it looks like nothing's changed much... The reason why I think like this is because I'm not getting any younger... I'm 29 years old... technically that is still young but for crying out loud, people who I grew up with had already made strides, changes or whatsoever... I'm still stuck with many of my unfulfilled dreams, hoping and working to make them come true this time around...

Maybe this apprehensive feeling that I have right now is caused by this awareness... Who knows?... Then again dear blog, you can't really blame me for thinking that way especially considering that I practically wasted a good number of my younger years as you bore witness to it...

December 21, 2012, the projected and feared end of days has come to pass as just another day, much to the chagrin of the doomsayers... kidding aside and with that in mind, I can't afford to fail on my hopes and dreams this year... time flies so fast that before you know it, another year had just gone by and the status quo still remains... I'm tired of it... I'm tired of putting in a whole lot of effort only to find myself tiring myself on the same spot... I'm tired of making headways and then somewhere along the way, something happens that throws me back to square one...

While 2012 wasn't really that much of good year for me (which obviously made me raise the middle finger to it as a farewell once the calendar moved on to 2013), a lot of good things also happened as well: moving a new environment, getting a fresh start, being part of a new "family", having a new set of friends - a new cast in the sitcom that is my life, made new friends abroad and recovering from a number of big mistakes...

I repeat dear blog, I am apprehensive because year in, year out, I've made bullish projections that fell flat on it's collective face; dreamed of dreams that never materialized or got fulfilled. And yet, I am still hopeful. I've seen the world or at least a portion of it. My world is no longer stuck on any one location. My playground is now the world. It is waiting for me, goading me to take to the skies and fulfill my dreams for real this time around... I can't afford to fail...

For the superstitious, thirteen is an unlucky number... but with all the fuss that 2012 brought me, I dare to raise a finger at that superstition and make 2013 a year of real changes and not just another year of frustrations...

Anyway, enough of this ranting, dear blog... I have dreams to fulfill... and God help me if it's going to be "just another year"...