Hello blog. I'm back.
Hn?
So soon you say? Yes, I know you're being sarcastic.
Well, I do have a couple of thoughts running around in my right now. To tell you honestly, I'm quite lost. Do you remember the girl that I told you about in my last blog entry? You remember her right?
Tell me blog. Is it right to be consistently be in touch with her in spite of the fact that she's in a relationship? Being friends, its already there. But personally, she's like a... for a lack of a better term... an addiction...a drug so to speak.
Lately, its getting harder for me to let a day go by without trading jokes or insults with her, or even just to see her and that wonderful smile of hers. With the exception of my two previous relationships, I've been attracted to a number of girls before. But none of them had this much of an impact on me. Yes, she has yet to piss me off bigtime but in her own way, she's already driving me up the wall by just being who she is. She makes no pretensions as to who she really is.
Being around her inspires me to be a better man. Inspired not just in the emotional sense but also by being a better person overall. Without her knowing it, she's challenged me to do much more and to be more in a shorter span of time. I was suddenly challenged out of my monotonous existence by her sudden appearance in my life. It's as if a flood light suddenly lit up to further brighten up a room that already has a warm, relaxed and cozy lighting.
A good buddy of mine here in the office (who knows what I'm going through) said that maybe it's not yet time for me and her together. And what's important at this time is that I have a friend from outside my own sales group whom I can be comfortable with. From an objective and logical standpoint, what he's saying is true. Aside from the fact that she is still in a relationship, I have to admit that I've just began to climb my way up to the skies of success after a very lengthy take off run from my own personal runway.
I also find it funny and pleasantly surprising that in a short span of time, she's entrusted to me a lot of her secrets. Of course, I won't tell what those are since she trusted those secrets to me. I am now her retainer, one of the people whom she trusts and confides to, for better or for worse.
I don't know blog. I don't know what she did to me and I let my guard down just like that. Whereas I was able to at least offer a token of resistance to the previous girls that I was attracted to before, when it came to this specific woman, she literally tore a gaping hole through my armor and pulled my heart out. While she hasn't completely torn it away from my chest, my heart is essentially in her hands now. Of course, my conscience is still killing me for being in this current situation. To quote a phrase from a certain song: "Shall I stay? Or would it be a sin?" Truth be told, I can't really help it being close to her.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Love & Schadenfreude: My Happiness at the Expense of Others
Hello blog. It's been a while. How have you been? Let me tell you a tale or two.
Not too long ago, I bid farewell to my past, never to look back again. The funny thing is, shortly after that incident, I chanced upon this wonderful lady. I met her during one of my scheduled manning duties at the mall; a co-worker to be exact (yadah yadah yadah) She's all smiles (as if the previous ones weren't). She's a departure from my usual type of women: mestiza, chinita, you name it (here we go again). Don't worry dear blog, my career and other aspects of my life are going rather smoothly regardless of my current emotional status.
However, what made her different is that aside from being full of life and outgoing, she also happens to be a lady of substance. Right now, I'm simply just enjoying her company; long talks and having a bundle of laughs over a cup of coffee and whatnots. Common sense dictates that I am actually starting to have liking, an attraction if you will, towards her (if I'm not yet already attracted to her). However, there are a few things that will obviously make being closer to her quite complicated. Let me tell you the ways:
1) Different worlds - she's pretty much an uptown girl... while I'm obviously quite the downtown man...
2) Different personalities - different perceptions, different beliefs obviously... and the most glaring of them all:
3) She's currently in a relationship.
Funny isn't it? How comfortable and happy I am when she's around. I don't know if my mind's playing jokes on me or whatsoever but I've been seeing some signs or signals from her. Is it just me or is there really something brewing between her and me? Is it my hopeless romantic side coming out or am I subconsciously just looking for some sort of affection, some form of company that I've been denying to myself all this time?
I for one grew up with my morals straight. I've felt the pain and bitterness of being betrayed. I know how it feels to be at the butt-end of a third party deal... and it wasn't a pretty sight. Now, I am in a position to be the aggressor, the royal wrecking ball hell bent on destroying something wonderful that had already been established all for the sake of my happiness. The thing is, am I ready to give up my morals, my sense of right and wrong, for something, someone who will obviously make me happier than I am now? Am I ready to go down to the level of the very people that I despised, all in the name of my heart's happiness? I do have to admit that its getting rather tiring to do the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do.
Recently, a friend of mine told me this: "There are no such things as morals now. What is important is that you do what makes you happy." Can I really do that? Can I really make myself happy at the expense of someone else's happiness and sanity? Schadenfreude as the intellectuals say. Am I ready for the consequences of my actions if there will be any?
Anyway, this blog entry's gotten too long. I'll have to cut it short for now. Maybe things will be clearer tomorrow or the day after. Unfortunately, things (as far as a cupid-stricken heart is concerned) aren't as simple as that.
Not too long ago, I bid farewell to my past, never to look back again. The funny thing is, shortly after that incident, I chanced upon this wonderful lady. I met her during one of my scheduled manning duties at the mall; a co-worker to be exact (yadah yadah yadah) She's all smiles (as if the previous ones weren't). She's a departure from my usual type of women: mestiza, chinita, you name it (here we go again). Don't worry dear blog, my career and other aspects of my life are going rather smoothly regardless of my current emotional status.
However, what made her different is that aside from being full of life and outgoing, she also happens to be a lady of substance. Right now, I'm simply just enjoying her company; long talks and having a bundle of laughs over a cup of coffee and whatnots. Common sense dictates that I am actually starting to have liking, an attraction if you will, towards her (if I'm not yet already attracted to her). However, there are a few things that will obviously make being closer to her quite complicated. Let me tell you the ways:
1) Different worlds - she's pretty much an uptown girl... while I'm obviously quite the downtown man...
2) Different personalities - different perceptions, different beliefs obviously... and the most glaring of them all:
3) She's currently in a relationship.
Funny isn't it? How comfortable and happy I am when she's around. I don't know if my mind's playing jokes on me or whatsoever but I've been seeing some signs or signals from her. Is it just me or is there really something brewing between her and me? Is it my hopeless romantic side coming out or am I subconsciously just looking for some sort of affection, some form of company that I've been denying to myself all this time?
I for one grew up with my morals straight. I've felt the pain and bitterness of being betrayed. I know how it feels to be at the butt-end of a third party deal... and it wasn't a pretty sight. Now, I am in a position to be the aggressor, the royal wrecking ball hell bent on destroying something wonderful that had already been established all for the sake of my happiness. The thing is, am I ready to give up my morals, my sense of right and wrong, for something, someone who will obviously make me happier than I am now? Am I ready to go down to the level of the very people that I despised, all in the name of my heart's happiness? I do have to admit that its getting rather tiring to do the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do.
Recently, a friend of mine told me this: "There are no such things as morals now. What is important is that you do what makes you happy." Can I really do that? Can I really make myself happy at the expense of someone else's happiness and sanity? Schadenfreude as the intellectuals say. Am I ready for the consequences of my actions if there will be any?
Anyway, this blog entry's gotten too long. I'll have to cut it short for now. Maybe things will be clearer tomorrow or the day after. Unfortunately, things (as far as a cupid-stricken heart is concerned) aren't as simple as that.
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