Sunday, March 13, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Love & Schadenfreude: My Happiness at the Expense of Others
Hello blog. It's been a while. How have you been? Let me tell you a tale or two.
Not too long ago, I bid farewell to my past, never to look back again. The funny thing is, shortly after that incident, I chanced upon this wonderful lady. I met her during one of my scheduled manning duties at the mall; a co-worker to be exact (yadah yadah yadah) She's all smiles (as if the previous ones weren't). She's a departure from my usual type of women: mestiza, chinita, you name it (here we go again). Don't worry dear blog, my career and other aspects of my life are going rather smoothly regardless of my current emotional status.
However, what made her different is that aside from being full of life and outgoing, she also happens to be a lady of substance. Right now, I'm simply just enjoying her company; long talks and having a bundle of laughs over a cup of coffee and whatnots. Common sense dictates that I am actually starting to have liking, an attraction if you will, towards her (if I'm not yet already attracted to her). However, there are a few things that will obviously make being closer to her quite complicated. Let me tell you the ways:
1) Different worlds - she's pretty much an uptown girl... while I'm obviously quite the downtown man...
2) Different personalities - different perceptions, different beliefs obviously... and the most glaring of them all:
3) She's currently in a relationship.
Funny isn't it? How comfortable and happy I am when she's around. I don't know if my mind's playing jokes on me or whatsoever but I've been seeing some signs or signals from her. Is it just me or is there really something brewing between her and me? Is it my hopeless romantic side coming out or am I subconsciously just looking for some sort of affection, some form of company that I've been denying to myself all this time?
I for one grew up with my morals straight. I've felt the pain and bitterness of being betrayed. I know how it feels to be at the butt-end of a third party deal... and it wasn't a pretty sight. Now, I am in a position to be the aggressor, the royal wrecking ball hell bent on destroying something wonderful that had already been established all for the sake of my happiness. The thing is, am I ready to give up my morals, my sense of right and wrong, for something, someone who will obviously make me happier than I am now? Am I ready to go down to the level of the very people that I despised, all in the name of my heart's happiness? I do have to admit that its getting rather tiring to do the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do.
Recently, a friend of mine told me this: "There are no such things as morals now. What is important is that you do what makes you happy." Can I really do that? Can I really make myself happy at the expense of someone else's happiness and sanity? Schadenfreude as the intellectuals say. Am I ready for the consequences of my actions if there will be any?
Anyway, this blog entry's gotten too long. I'll have to cut it short for now. Maybe things will be clearer tomorrow or the day after. Unfortunately, things (as far as a cupid-stricken heart is concerned) aren't as simple as that.
Not too long ago, I bid farewell to my past, never to look back again. The funny thing is, shortly after that incident, I chanced upon this wonderful lady. I met her during one of my scheduled manning duties at the mall; a co-worker to be exact (yadah yadah yadah) She's all smiles (as if the previous ones weren't). She's a departure from my usual type of women: mestiza, chinita, you name it (here we go again). Don't worry dear blog, my career and other aspects of my life are going rather smoothly regardless of my current emotional status.
However, what made her different is that aside from being full of life and outgoing, she also happens to be a lady of substance. Right now, I'm simply just enjoying her company; long talks and having a bundle of laughs over a cup of coffee and whatnots. Common sense dictates that I am actually starting to have liking, an attraction if you will, towards her (if I'm not yet already attracted to her). However, there are a few things that will obviously make being closer to her quite complicated. Let me tell you the ways:
1) Different worlds - she's pretty much an uptown girl... while I'm obviously quite the downtown man...
2) Different personalities - different perceptions, different beliefs obviously... and the most glaring of them all:
3) She's currently in a relationship.
Funny isn't it? How comfortable and happy I am when she's around. I don't know if my mind's playing jokes on me or whatsoever but I've been seeing some signs or signals from her. Is it just me or is there really something brewing between her and me? Is it my hopeless romantic side coming out or am I subconsciously just looking for some sort of affection, some form of company that I've been denying to myself all this time?
I for one grew up with my morals straight. I've felt the pain and bitterness of being betrayed. I know how it feels to be at the butt-end of a third party deal... and it wasn't a pretty sight. Now, I am in a position to be the aggressor, the royal wrecking ball hell bent on destroying something wonderful that had already been established all for the sake of my happiness. The thing is, am I ready to give up my morals, my sense of right and wrong, for something, someone who will obviously make me happier than I am now? Am I ready to go down to the level of the very people that I despised, all in the name of my heart's happiness? I do have to admit that its getting rather tiring to do the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do.
Recently, a friend of mine told me this: "There are no such things as morals now. What is important is that you do what makes you happy." Can I really do that? Can I really make myself happy at the expense of someone else's happiness and sanity? Schadenfreude as the intellectuals say. Am I ready for the consequences of my actions if there will be any?
Anyway, this blog entry's gotten too long. I'll have to cut it short for now. Maybe things will be clearer tomorrow or the day after. Unfortunately, things (as far as a cupid-stricken heart is concerned) aren't as simple as that.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Bittersweet
He walks through the forest at night. His face covered by the hood of his cloak. From a distance, he could hear the sounds of revelry and merrymaking.
“So many happy voices.” He thought.
Stepping out into the clearing, he was greeted by the sights and sounds of an ongoing celebration. A celebration of four hundred years of the place that he once called home. Looking back, he could remember the time he spent there: of learning magic, of learning about life… and finding love.
It’s been years since he’s parted ways with her, the sorceress, who’s magic was a stark contrast to this druid’s darkness. He could still remember her. The touch of her hand, the warmth of her embrace, the sweetness of her voice, the miracle that someone from the light can take into her bosom a man who grew up in the darkness.
He also remembered, when they left the precious grounds of their institution, how the world changed her. How things quickly became different. How different the world outside was. How he and she exchanged blows just to let the other know the pain that each one felt. And how badly he missed her in spite of all that happened. Of how he shortly transformed from a knight into the druid that he is now.
Brushing these thoughts aside, the druid removed his hood, and saw many of his friends, people who he grew up with. And then, he saw her. The sorceress, still a sight to behold as she had always been. The druid adjusted his monocle, not believing that sight that he just saw.
A quick hi and hello and they went on with the festivities. A few jokes exchanged here and there. It was all good but this druid wasn’t at peace. Not when she’s anywhere near him.
Fireworks then ensued to top off the revelry. As everyone bid each other goodbye, the druid took the sorceress off to a distant corner. Looking into her eyes, he began:
“I have to come clean. I know that we’re talking once again and that we’re friends again but there’s something I have to tell you…
I still have feelings for you… In spite of everything that happened. Much as I want us to get back together, I know very well that it’s a near impossibility considering that we’re two very different people now than who we were before. Even though I had another lady that took your place, you’re still the person in my mind… in my heart…and that’s why I ended it all with her… Its because I still see you in her…
You’ve pretty much moved on well into the world. I still have my own story, my own legend to make. I need to move out of your shadow. It may not matter much to you but for me…”
But before he could finish, the sorceress interrupted:
“I must admit that I only see you now as I friend. I try to be friends with who I shared cupid’s magic. In your case, since we were the best of friends before, I thought why not? But if keeping me out of your life will help you move on, then so be it.”
The sorceress then extended her hand to the druid. With much sorrow, the druid summoned all of his might and shook the sorceress’ hand… and then let go…
Turning his back on the sorceress, the druid began walking away to continue writing his own story… and never looked back. As he walked, he put on his hood… to hide the tears as they fell to the ground... In the place where it all started...
“So many happy voices.” He thought.
Stepping out into the clearing, he was greeted by the sights and sounds of an ongoing celebration. A celebration of four hundred years of the place that he once called home. Looking back, he could remember the time he spent there: of learning magic, of learning about life… and finding love.
It’s been years since he’s parted ways with her, the sorceress, who’s magic was a stark contrast to this druid’s darkness. He could still remember her. The touch of her hand, the warmth of her embrace, the sweetness of her voice, the miracle that someone from the light can take into her bosom a man who grew up in the darkness.
He also remembered, when they left the precious grounds of their institution, how the world changed her. How things quickly became different. How different the world outside was. How he and she exchanged blows just to let the other know the pain that each one felt. And how badly he missed her in spite of all that happened. Of how he shortly transformed from a knight into the druid that he is now.
Brushing these thoughts aside, the druid removed his hood, and saw many of his friends, people who he grew up with. And then, he saw her. The sorceress, still a sight to behold as she had always been. The druid adjusted his monocle, not believing that sight that he just saw.
A quick hi and hello and they went on with the festivities. A few jokes exchanged here and there. It was all good but this druid wasn’t at peace. Not when she’s anywhere near him.
Fireworks then ensued to top off the revelry. As everyone bid each other goodbye, the druid took the sorceress off to a distant corner. Looking into her eyes, he began:
“I have to come clean. I know that we’re talking once again and that we’re friends again but there’s something I have to tell you…
I still have feelings for you… In spite of everything that happened. Much as I want us to get back together, I know very well that it’s a near impossibility considering that we’re two very different people now than who we were before. Even though I had another lady that took your place, you’re still the person in my mind… in my heart…and that’s why I ended it all with her… Its because I still see you in her…
You’ve pretty much moved on well into the world. I still have my own story, my own legend to make. I need to move out of your shadow. It may not matter much to you but for me…”
But before he could finish, the sorceress interrupted:
“I must admit that I only see you now as I friend. I try to be friends with who I shared cupid’s magic. In your case, since we were the best of friends before, I thought why not? But if keeping me out of your life will help you move on, then so be it.”
The sorceress then extended her hand to the druid. With much sorrow, the druid summoned all of his might and shook the sorceress’ hand… and then let go…
Turning his back on the sorceress, the druid began walking away to continue writing his own story… and never looked back. As he walked, he put on his hood… to hide the tears as they fell to the ground... In the place where it all started...
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Recap: 2010
Hello Blog.
It's been a while. I guess you can say that this little author here is slowly moving on from his once religious habit of blogging and on to other things that are taking up a lot of his time. Things have gotten a bit busy here and there, mostly because of work, and because of a lot of things as well.
So far, 2010 has been the best year that I have had the privilege of living my way through post-UST. Yes, I still have debts to pay for the sins that I committed the years before... In fact, I have accumulated a couple of new sins as well. But by far, 2010 has been the year of a lot of changes - mostly good though there have been bad changes as well.
This year has been the year that I have finally given the last bastion of my "totoy" mindset. As written in my last blog post, after joining my last tournament in that arcade racing game, I finally retired from virtual racing. Yes, I must admit that I still do play from time to time but not in a very competitive manner as before. I had finally outgrown the need for the game as an emotional crutch and as a hobby.
Career-wise, this has been a very fulfilling year as well. Never had I imagined that I would be very happy in a job that I wasn't born to do: sales. After working in companies where my peers are mostly older than me and have families of their own already, in my current job, I feel like an old man... mostly because of the mindset that many of my peers in my previous jobs that had rubbed in on me...
Anyway, while I feel that I have yet to do the most important thing for this year... which I still don't know what it is... I'm pretty happy with the way things are turning out.
It's been a while. I guess you can say that this little author here is slowly moving on from his once religious habit of blogging and on to other things that are taking up a lot of his time. Things have gotten a bit busy here and there, mostly because of work, and because of a lot of things as well.
So far, 2010 has been the best year that I have had the privilege of living my way through post-UST. Yes, I still have debts to pay for the sins that I committed the years before... In fact, I have accumulated a couple of new sins as well. But by far, 2010 has been the year of a lot of changes - mostly good though there have been bad changes as well.
This year has been the year that I have finally given the last bastion of my "totoy" mindset. As written in my last blog post, after joining my last tournament in that arcade racing game, I finally retired from virtual racing. Yes, I must admit that I still do play from time to time but not in a very competitive manner as before. I had finally outgrown the need for the game as an emotional crutch and as a hobby.
Career-wise, this has been a very fulfilling year as well. Never had I imagined that I would be very happy in a job that I wasn't born to do: sales. After working in companies where my peers are mostly older than me and have families of their own already, in my current job, I feel like an old man... mostly because of the mindset that many of my peers in my previous jobs that had rubbed in on me...
Anyway, while I feel that I have yet to do the most important thing for this year... which I still don't know what it is... I'm pretty happy with the way things are turning out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)