Love & Schadenfreude: My Happiness at the Expense of Others

Hello blog. It's been a while. How have you been? Let me tell you a tale or two.

Not too long ago, I bid farewell to my past, never to look back again. The funny thing is, shortly after that incident, I chanced upon this wonderful lady. I met her during one of my scheduled manning duties at the mall; a co-worker to be exact (yadah yadah yadah) She's all smiles (as if the previous ones weren't). She's a departure from my usual type of women: mestiza, chinita, you name it (here we go again). Don't worry dear blog, my career and other aspects of my life are going rather smoothly regardless of my current emotional status.

However, what made her different is that aside from being full of life and outgoing, she also happens to be a lady of substance. Right now, I'm simply just enjoying her company; long talks and having a bundle of laughs over a cup of coffee and whatnots. Common sense dictates that I am actually starting to have liking, an attraction if you will, towards her (if I'm not yet already attracted to her). However, there are a few things that will obviously make being closer to her quite complicated. Let me tell you the ways:

1) Different worlds - she's pretty much an uptown girl... while I'm obviously quite the downtown man...

2) Different personalities - different perceptions, different beliefs obviously... and the most glaring of them all:

3) She's currently in a relationship.

Funny isn't it? How comfortable and happy I am when she's around. I don't know if my mind's playing jokes on me or whatsoever but I've been seeing some signs or signals from her. Is it just me or is there really something brewing between her and me? Is it my hopeless romantic side coming out or am I subconsciously just looking for some sort of affection, some form of company that I've been denying to myself all this time?

I for one grew up with my morals straight. I've felt the pain and bitterness of being betrayed. I know how it feels to be at the butt-end of a third party deal... and it wasn't a pretty sight. Now, I am in a position to be the aggressor, the royal wrecking ball hell bent on destroying something wonderful that had already been established all for the sake of my happiness. The thing is, am I ready to give up my morals, my sense of right and wrong, for something, someone who will obviously make me happier than I am now? Am I ready to go down to the level of the very people that I despised, all in the name of my heart's happiness? I do have to admit that its getting rather tiring to do the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do.

Recently, a friend of mine told me this: "There are no such things as morals now. What is important is that you do what makes you happy." Can I really do that? Can I really make myself happy at the expense of someone else's happiness and sanity? Schadenfreude as the intellectuals say. Am I ready for the consequences of my actions if there will be any?

Anyway, this blog entry's gotten too long. I'll have to cut it short for now. Maybe things will be clearer tomorrow or the day after. Unfortunately, things (as far as a cupid-stricken heart is concerned) aren't as simple as that.